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It is not the moon, I tell you. It is these flowers lighting the yard. I hate them. I hate them as I hate sex, the man’s mouth sealing my mouth, the man’s paralyzing body— and the cry that always escapes, the low, humiliating premise of union— In my mind tonight I hear the question and pursuing answer fused in one sound that mounts and mounts and then is split into the old selves, the tired antagonisms. Do you see? We were made fools of. And the scent of mock orange drifts through the window. How can I rest? How can I be content when there is still that odor in the world?

I swive as well as others do, I’m young, not yet deformed, My tender heart, sincere, and true, Deserves not to be scorned. Why Phyllis then, why will you swive, With forty lovers more? Can I (said she) with Nature strive, Alas I am, alas I am a whore. Were all my body larded o’er, With darts of love, so thick, That you might find in ev’ry pore, A well stuck standing prick; Whilst yet my eyes alone were free, My heart, would never doubt, In am’rous rage, and ecstasy, To wish those eyes, to wish those eyes fucked out.

A woman’s hallelujah! washes the foot of Mocking Bird Hill, her face eclipsed by her black mouth, her eyes rolled up like workman’s sleeves. Stirred up, a fly speaks in the tongue of the hotel doorbell, where, on the sun-ridden straw terrace my salvation means less than praise to a dumb child. Damned, blinded by ice cubes, the fly surrenders its life into the waiter’s clean hands. Behind the kitchen of the Mocking Bird Hotel a rooster repeats hallelujah! until it loses its head. A man harvests the Family Tree before his forefathers’ features have a chance to ripen on their faces. Parakeets watch him from the bare nerves of the garden. He harvests before the worms that eat his father turn into demons. Do not eat the fruit from your Family Tree. You have eyes not to see them, hands not to pick them, teeth not to bite them, tongue not to taste them even in speech. The waiter slashes the table with our bill. We descend Mocking Bird Hill without raising dust. Dogs, their fur hanging like wet feathers off their backs, piss yellow smoke without lifting a leg. Gulls smash their heads between their wings. Light lays the eggs of shadows under the shrubs. Produce shacks stand empty like football gates. What appeared blue from afar, turns green. I hold it all in, even my own urine. But the mother of vowels slumps from my throat like the queen of a havocked beehive. Higher than hallelujah! rising like smoke over the hill, I scream at the top of that green lung, why, in the Mocking Bird Hell, do you value your blood over your sweat, that bitterness over this salt, that wound over this crystal? But often, to shed light on the darkness, light isn’t enough. Often what I need is even a darker darkness. Like in those hours before the sun incriminates this hotel, his two nostrils that illuminate our benighted bodies.

No other song or swoop (part quiver, part swivel and plash) with tour de force stray the course note liquefactions (its new, bawdy air an aria hangs in) en- thralls, trills, loops, soars, startles, out-warbles, out-brawns, more juicily, lifts up the dawn, outlaws from sackcloth, the cool sloth of bed sheets, from pillows and silks and blue-quilted, feminine bolsters, fusses of coverlets; nips as the switch of a juvenile willow, fuzz of a nettle, to window and window and window and ever toward egress, to flurry, pollen and petal shed, to wet street and wet pavement, all sentiment intemperate, all sentience ephemeral.

I can hear him, now, even in darkness, a trickster under the moon, bristling his feathers, sounding as merry as a man whistling in a straw hat, or a squeaky gate to the playground, left ajar or the jingling of a star, having wandered too far from the pasture.

How perfectly he has mastered the car alarm, jangling us from sleep. Later his staccato scatters smaller birds that landed on the wire beside him. Perhaps the key to success is imitation, not originality. Once, when the cat slinked up the orange tree and snatched a hatchling, the mockingbird turned on us, marked us for revenge. For two whole weeks he dive bombed whenever I ventured out the screen door lured by his call: first tricked into thinking the soft coo was a mourning dove courting, next drawn by the war cry of a far larger animal. He swooped from one splintered eave, his mate from the other, aiming to peck out my eyes, to wrestle the baby from my arms, to do God knows what with that newborn.

I cut a staff in a churchyard copse, I clad myself in ragged things, I set a feather in my cap That fell out of an angel’s wings. I filled my wallet with white stones, I took three foxgloves in my hand, I slung my shoes across my back, And so I went to fairyland. But lo, within that ancient place Science had reared her iron crown, And the great cloud of steam went up That telleth where she takes a town. But cowled with smoke and starred with lamps, That strange land’s light was still its own; The word that witched the woods and hills Spoke in the iron and the stone. Not Nature’s hand had ever curved That mute unearthly porter’s spine. Like sleeping dragon’s sudden eyes The signals leered along the line. The chimneys thronging crooked or straight Were fingers signalling the sky; The dog that strayed across the street Seemed four-legged by monstrosity. ‘In vain,’ I cried, ‘though you too touch The new time’s desecrating hand, Through all the noises of a town I hear the heart of fairyland.’ I read the name above a door, Then through my spirit pealed and passed: ‘This is the town of thine own home, And thou hast looked on it at last.’

And what is love? It is a doll dress’d up For idleness to cosset, nurse, and dandle; A thing of soft misnomers, so divine That silly youth doth think to make itself Divine by loving, and so goes on Yawning and doting a whole summer long, Till Miss’s comb is made a pearl tiara, And common Wellingtons turn Romeo boots; Then Cleopatra lives at number seven, And Antony resides in Brunswick Square. Fools! if some passions high have warm’d the world, If Queens and Soldiers have play’d deep for hearts, It is no reason why such agonies Should be more common than the growth of weeds. Fools! make me whole again that weighty pearl The Queen of Egypt melted, and I’ll say That ye may love in spite of beaver hats.

By this he knew she wept with waking eyes: That, at his hand's light quiver by her head, The strange low sobs that shook their common bed Were called into her with a sharp surprise, And strangled mute, like little gaping snakes, Dreadfully venomous to him. She lay Stone-still, and the long darkness flowed away With muffled pulses. Then, as midnight makes Her giant heart of Memory and Tears Drink the pale drug of silence, and so beat Sleep's heavy measure, they from head to feet Were moveless, looking through their dead black years, By vain regret scrawled over the blank wall. Like sculptured effigies they might be seen Upon their marriage-tomb, the sword between; Each wishing for the sword that severs all.

He felt the wild beast in him betweenwhiles So masterfully rude, that he would grieve To see the helpless delicate thing receive His guardianship through certain dark defiles. Had he not teeth to rend, and hunger too? But still he spared her. Once: ‘Have you no fear?’ He said: ’twas dusk; she in his grasp; none near. She laughed: ‘No, surely; am I not with you?’ And uttering that soft starry ‘you,’ she leaned Her gentle body near him, looking up; And from her eyes, as from a poison-cup, He drank until the flittering eyelids screened. Devilish malignant witch! and oh, young beam Of heaven’s circle-glory! Here they shape To squeeze like an intoxicating grape – I might, and yet thou goest safe, supreme.