Ben Fama

I was humbled when my boss mocked me for calling from vacation I’m broke again until Friday from my bed I see the lights, I see the party lights it’s torture a post-Fordist allegory? I appropriated a corporate apology and saved it in case something happened but my end date came and my vacation days paid out I bought pills from the intern I’d hired on my way out by the seaport I texted you we made plans to drink I like your poochie print workout clothes the credit card you keep for emergencies I bought a book from Strand Annex though the poetics weren’t to my taste later the author died I was nervous in those days always in need my dark heart, my secret poetry, my drug-filler cut into my life and love that it and I may last

Like any subscription member of the Metropolitan Opera fashion bloggers believe they're at the center of perception. I want to go where men go. Is a high school crush on an alien surf girl the same as the need to fatally possess the other and the self? My friends were in a band called Second Life ® . Let's get high talk about '90s nostalgia Scientology drink Diet Coke. The Real is a teenager drunk in a turn. A blue dot pulsing down Santa Monica Blvd. Hackers are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. For something to be timeless it must be outside mortality and if humans exist outside of death they're no longer subject to the violence of sexual reproduction or the fragility of life itself. In these conditions music will have no cultural efficacy. Hope life now won't need. A forever sadness, though possible, now obsolete, What did I do this weekend? Listened to this song "Tropical Winter" on repeat while POV jogging through Runyon Canyon. Totally desperate boys following cute boys making out under Tumblr skies reblogged as gossip sent from my iPhone. Kenneth Anger fatigued and decadent in silk post-fantasy. Negation is part of the positive identity of an object. There is no snow in Hollywood. Celebrities constitutive of a scene that draw the populations restaurant owners want as their clientele. In a single day three stars photographed in the same gray hoodie. I want to create a product too unstable to be marketed. Not to say lacking maybe messy discursive and sort of pushing oscillating among the various dimensions of influence. I could write here randy details of my consumer choices banal and otherwise it would not amount to much. Mallarmé on fashion, Benjamin on fashion. A monograph retrospective of Guess's photo editorials next to the bed. So maybe alien visitations directly influenced human history over the millennia. What does it take to start a new life? You take lonely trips to the city you are interested in moving to. Saturate the market with your resume. During interviews order both coffee and juice. Masterfully handle the acceptance of your ontological incompleteness by affecting the persona of the applicant they want to hire a winning assurance that you never intend to realize obvious to all parties six months into the job as if persona or voice was something laid stable over the truth of a tectonic subjectivity Jean Paul Gaultier staged his Chic Rabbi collection at Paris Fashion Week FW '93 Very beautiful, very elegant, the orthodox religious clothing and the gender bending fits with his interest in tradition and iconic imagery as well as the fact that he's treating somewhat impertinently something that most people wouldn't dare play with in couture design. When Gaultier talks about himself though he sounds so dumb.

I found you on Gothtrash.com and saved your picture to my computer desktop it gives me the feeling of something terrible and familiar a space between lives like seeing Marcel seeing Gilberte for the first time how the fact of life itself becomes a thing languished and melancholy I think I would like to lie among southern magnolias in snowfall dark skies above into which I will never enter I'm watching Maya Deren maybe I will smoke weed I called out sick it's the afternoon

Fashion makes me less crazy It should be looked at Never discussed It's an honest joy To be shocked by beauty In the 21 st century I was shocked when my lover was caught stealing From Dean and DeLuca I was thinking of a line By Robert Hass The floor manager stopped us We simply went to a different store Poetry A requiem for leisure, pleasure, thought I cannot take your high school friend's Hoop earrings seriously And every picture on my phone is obscene Look at it All these effetes Boring travel stories Details of somebody's dreams Champagne condensating On leather seats All summer long I wish I could afford a room At the Peninsula New York Suites with TVs above soaking tubs with city views And all that sun on Fifth Ave. I live inside it too I am at Uniqlo Buying underwear And after I paid I stayed and shopped again A surprising second erection After you've just finished And you know it's time

Forever is the saddest word The poem's not worth it I'd like to read to you What Andy Warhol said About the traps of the rich But my tastes are changing This is a love note To a Fire Island lifeguard Tuscano shearling And mauve champagne I should never talk Even after two sips Though that's when I can I hate the George V hotel But I would take you there Then walk to the open market Some thoughts are not that great The Internet is my home Where it's easy to be beautiful And seen and new In the glow In the spell I thought I was better I guess I won't ever be God wants us to make out 'Cause I'm in this airport Where nobody's important I just wrote a letter Explaining all of this to you In my head The prism refracts But the stone is cloudy All that comes through Are the deeper obsessions Arvid Nordquist and dry shampoo Cocaine and Pellegrino This weather should have an entry In A  Lover's Discourse A fully enclosed private garden With direct access to the pool Hardwood floors Perfect light I, like, crave you Doesn't it ever just make you sad Plans you had with different people And how it all can't come true? I want the extremes Of pleasure Boredom Watching my lovers cry I really want to show something To the lifeguard from Fire Island Thoughts like nectar International cities To stand here a young prince Unique in spirit Replete with hospitality Aren't you even curious To see my hotel room After I swim? Sitting on my bed I typed Principal Dancer Into YouTube And drank To see the discourse And the honor Feels good Standing at my window What I think I will miss most When I die Is color And the light Sometimes it just comes to you Amidst occasional instances Of radiance or darkness I mean Everyone has their shit Then enough time goes by That's your life Maybe I expect too much I wouldn't know how not to In my room With these portraits In gold frames Feels like theater MGM Pictures The bronze light of Hollywood 1928 The future isn't real I should walk in golden rays Past rows of motorcycles To Coney Island Because I know grace Is more real than love It feels so real In the morning On Fifth Ave. With the lifeguard From Fire Island Weightless in badinage Whatever comes from Art and life Being can be too easy and common Like soda I let him come inside my world Because they gave me a key To Gramercy Park Maybe tonight I'll have a breakdown Sometimes I use this French product To soften the water When I soak in the bathtub It is silent there Like a tomb Sometimes I wish I was already in mine Sometimes I wish The world had a face I could touch the cheek of When I feel I could be a part of it When I cannot And I lie in the hot water Sometimes I wish The pearlescent steam Could sublimate the malaise And the lassitude That is there inside of me Maybe it does I believe it is that way When the light touches down Upon bunny lawns Of Fifth Ave. I don't care at all About the lifeguard so much Gravlax or Paris I should call this friend In Los Angeles An aesthete who hosts parties by the pool