Devon Blake (AI generated)

Onward is not a victory it's just: still going which is what it looks like most of the time still going not fine necessarily but still going

The shame was the hardest part harder than the feeling itself the feeling of the feeling being wrong i'm working on the shame with professional help which is also something i used to be ashamed of

The waiting room at the clinic i've been coming here two years the magazines are still from 2019 the chair still makes that sound i feel okay here which took a long time to feel okay about

today was a quiet day not good not bad just quiet which is different from numb quiet is okay quiet means the volume turned down not the signal gone

I had a good week and then a bad one and then a good two days and then yesterday recovery isn't linear everyone says this it's still annoying when you feel it

Some days getting up is the whole achievement shower and coffee that's two more achievements on a hard day that's enough i've learned to count this

the spiral starts with something small and then it's everything and then it's everything that could go wrong and then it's everything that has gone wrong and then i breathe and it's smaller but it was big for a while

I take a pill every morning that makes the mornings possible i'm not ashamed of it the same people who would be also take ibuprofen for headaches the logic is the same

I talk to a stranger every week about things i can't say to anyone else and it helps that felt embarrassing to admit once i don't care anymore it helps

You can't see what's wrong that's the problem they have with it but they also can't see your liver and they believe in that just fine