Don Mee Choi

It was hardly war, the hardliest of wars. Hardly, hardly. It occurred to me that this particular war was hardly war because of kids, more kids, those poor kids. The kids were hungry until we GIs fed them. We dusted them with DDT. Hardly done. Reha- bilitation of Korea, that is. It needs chemical fertilizer from the States, power to build things like a country. In the end it was the hardliest of wars made up of bubble gum, which GIs had to show those kids how to chew. In no circumstance whatever can man be comfortable without art. They don’t want everlasting charity, and we are not giving it to them. We are just lending them a hand until they can stand on their own two feet. A novel idea. This is why it occurred to me that this particular war was hardly war, the hardliest of wars. My father was hardly himself during the war, then I was born during the era that hardly existed, and, therefore, I hardly existed without DDT. Beauty is pleasure re- garded as the quality of a thing. I prefer a paper closet with real paper dresses in it. To be born hardly, hardly after the hardliest of wars, is a matter of debate. Still going forward. We are, that is. Napalm again. This is THE BIG PICTURE. War and its masses. War and its men. War and its machines. Together we form THE BIG PIC- TURE. From Korea to Germany, from Alaska to Puerto Rico. All over the world, the US Army is on the alert to defend our country, you the people, against aggression. This is THE BIG PICTURE, an official television report to the nation from the army. This is Korea! Is one thing better than another? These South Koreans are all right. Woe is you, woe is war, hardly war, woe is me, woe are you? My father is still alive, and this is how I came to prefer a paper closet with real paper dresses in it. Well, it’s morning in Korea. The most violently mountainous place on Earth. Every- one has been dusted, existence hardly done, whereas beauty has been regarded as the quality of a thing. At Uncle Dann’s Huddle doughnuts and coffee are free and in case there are any, for there are many, the unescorted ladies are not permitted. The decision has been made in Tokyo for the hardliest of wars, an old soldier made it. The situation in Korea is so critical that we the Navy must give the Eighth Army prac- tical support. Do you remember how you began this day? How did you spend this morning? Woe are you? Well, pinecones fall every day. So why do we fail? Miles and miles of homeless refugees set adrift by the Red scourge.

Here comes Shitty Kitty en route to the Gulf of Tonkin or en route to a race riot? That is the question and meanwhile discipline is the keystone and meanwhile did you see on TV helicopters being ditched into the sea? That is also my film and meanwhile all refugees must be treated as suspects. Looking for your husband? Looking for your son? That is the question and meanwhile she was the mother of the boy or that is what the translator said or Shitty Kitty or shall we adhere to traditional concepts of military discipline tempered with humanitarianism? That is the question and meanwhile South Korea exports military labor left over from the war. That is also my history or is that your history? That is the question and meanwhile (CHORUS: Dictator Park Chung Hee and his soldiers in Ray-Bans) How much? $7.5 million=per division or Binh Tai massacre=$7.5 million or Binh Hoa massacre=$7.5 million or Dien Nien—Phuoc Binh massacre=$7.5 million or Go Dai massacre=$7.5 milion or Ha My massacre=$7.5 million or Phong Nhi & Phong Nhat massacre=$15 million or Tay Vinh massacre=$7.5 million or Vinh Xuan massacre=$7.5 million or Mighty History? That is the question and meanwhile a riot began over a grilled cheese sandwich at Subic Bay. Discrimination or perception? That is the question and meanwhile the sailor refused to make a statement or translate? That is the question and meanwhile twenty-six men all black were charged with assault and rioting and meanwhile did you translate? That is my question and meanwhile lard or Crisco? Aye, aye, sir! (Anti-CHORUS: kittens in frilly white bonnets, bibs, and mittens) K I T T Y  S O N G I, aye-aye-sir! I, crazy-daisy-sir! I, export-quality-sir! I, grill-grill-sir! I, meow-meow-sir! I, kitty-litter-sir!

The television in The Deer Hunter is in Clairton, Pennsylvania. Everything is still at Welsh’s Lounge: the clouds, the sky, the unlit neon sign outside the window. All is calm, all is bright. I sing in English while my father is in Vietnam. American wives are in immeasurable pain and so is my mother. American soldiers are pushing a hel- icopter to the right side of the TV screen. Behind the soldiers is number 19. It stands for USS Hancock: its nickname, Fighting Hannah. Helicopter whirring. It sounds like Godzilla crying. My father is nowhere to be seen because he’s behind the camera, behind the lens. His eye’s filled with the green ocean. It zooms in on the soldiers, some in uniform, some shirtless, on the decks with number 19 behind them. They’re calm and bright, looking down at the flight platform below. Nobody is crying. Num- ber 19 goes beyond Yi Sang’s number 13. History is hysterical. The-13th-child-also- says-it’s-terrifying. 13+3+3. 19=13. A modest, shared hallucination. I’m still the 13th child. And Godzilla is still crying. Hannah ditches the helicopter in the sea. Now everything is happening on the left side of the screen. Nobody’s in the cockpit of the helicopter. The chopper blades tilt, making a diagonal line across the entire screen. That strange cry. It wants to go home—O like me, like my father. Now the helicopter and its blades are perfectly vertical to the South China Sea. The chopper is now engulfed by the sea, white with foam. Sayonara, Saigon! THIS SEEMS TO BE THE LAST CHAPTER IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICAN INVOLVEMENT IN VIET- NAM. Now everything appears in the center of the screen. Helicopter is everything. Hannah is everything. My father’s framing never sways even when flowers call to him. He edits as he films, he often told me. He’s still nowhere to be seen. Missing in action somewhere in Cambodia, filming carpet bombing, my mother said. O the chopper’s belly convulses. O it’s in immeasurable pain. The chopper’s door open and the pilot and men in white shirts and dark pants spill out. IT’S ALSO BEEN THE LARGEST SINGLE MOVEMENT OF PEOPLE IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICA IT- SELF. The chopper’s blades are swirling in every frenzied direction. O suicidal lines. Sayonara, Saigon! HILARY BROWN, ABC NEWS ABOARD THE ATTACK AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS HANCOCK IN THE SOUTH CHINA SEA. White with foam. Now I see buttons on History's blouse.

Beauty=Nation Ugly=Nation Ladies Garden in Progress The American Visitors The New American Word The Beauty of Publicity Mother’s Mop Head Ring spots Sway Me Yes, Ma’am Gossamer=Blouse Yankee=Blouse Yes, Ma’am Sway Me Father, nice to see you Major, it’s been a hell of a ride General M & General H Mother’s Mop Head I see ring spots That’s a good sight for my old eyes Yes, Ma’am Ray-Ban Sunglasses So Sway Me Sway Me Oh Sway Me 1. Parade of the Japanese Colonial Government’s Monitors 2. Parade of the First Republic’s ROK Monitors 3. Parade of the DPRK Communist Monitors 4. Parade of the Joint ROK-UN Forces Monitors Yes, Ma’am Did I tell you I saw corpses piled up inside the well in Pyongyang? Did I tell you I helped the Communist Monitor who was also a Colonial Monitor, ROK Monitor, then later an ROK-UN Monitor drag the corpse of his brother? Monitor=For Life! General=For Life! President=For Life! However, I see buttons and ring spots Father, Hiroshima and Nagasaki Major, snap out of it. It’s August 15, 1948 He’s smiling at me Fun Hydrangeas Gossamer=Blouse and Yankee=Blouse Warmly greeted one another I see Ugly=Translators Yes, Ma’am Me=Gook