Nate Pritts

(i) I woke to early sun: burning of fire, & then afterward. We kept reaching through the long night. (ii) Afterward, the small deceptions we allow ourselves: a sickness, unchecked. Like this: (iii) & first sunlight. Snow continues. I could never close my eyes to light. But there was no light & you looked like night. (iv) There must be a pattern, snow slow-dropping in wet clusters through the wooden arms of empty trees. (v) Sun fingering its way through branches I’d hung my life on. We don’t matter a bit; realization forces our eyes closed— (vi) A sickness, unchecked, like this. I’d hung my life on burning of fire, & then afterward. (vii) Our arms together we searched for patterns & sunlight. (viii) Our arms laced together, pointing together over wind-tossed grasses. Us: waist deep in night blue. (ix) There was no light. You pointed. (x) Sun overhead, you pointed to the wind-tossed grasses. This is a memory now. (xi) Together in that first sun, so vivid: there must be a pattern I’d hung my life on. (xii) Snow dropped in clusters, staggered & jagged. We don’t matter a bit. (xiii) Reflected in lake water: all these things I’ll forget. (xiv) Our arms together but we keep reaching over the wind-tossed grasses. (xv) Black smoke curling: the importance of night-blue field grass, (xvi) the importance of. The stars are close; we try to hold together. (xvii) All this ends but until then: burning of fire, & then afterward. The stars are close; we try to hold. Such distance between the fallen! (xviii) Burning of fire, & then afterward. You pointed. (xix) Grasses silently fold, a sickness, unchecked, reaching. Like this. Wooden arms of trees long since emptied. (xx) This ends in darkness, & all the stars within reach, & other constellations.

Darling, I leave you the forever unblooming twig half-sunk in spring mud & the Nature that allows such delicate & lasting atrocity. Darling, darling, darling: my voice is a branch that would reach. I leave you the ragged sky, once full of cloud & now not. I leave you these things just as I leave you: graceful passage from one something to the next. Darling, even in this my voice dissipates into hush & whiffs of light, sun-thrown, hurtle into the ground.

. . . It was the summer I fucked up    the summer    fucked up   me fucked up   a fuck-up in the summer   & I spent time laying under stars too much   time I wasted  the stars  you lied to me under the stars & the summer was endless   the summer endless   it was an endless summer . . . . . . endless   & I said things like   “If I ever see you again” but   I’ll never see you again   I never saw you again   I made sure of that & I circled   the lake   I went in circles    the lake was endless   it was summer   I fucked up   too much time & I never saw   you again   & I . . . . . . circled & it was   endless & the stars    lied to me   the summer light   moving so slowly   I saw the summer light move   endless & when I see you   the trees will cluster   green rage green   trees raging with love   endless love & I’ll never see you   again   I made sure of that . . . . . . wasted under the stars   the slow summer   light   the endless fuck-up & you never again   you lovely   you summer you   everything that is now never again   whatever that may be   the rage I loved   me under the stars then & now   endless   wasting away me   haze wandering around endless . . . . . . haze  it was endless  too much time & you   lied to me & I    said things like I can’t describe the air on my skin can you   can you please   I know it was important & the light from stars   moved   so slowly   & you   moved off forever   how can you save everything   everything   important   endless . . . . . . summer light   the fuck-up   the lake a circle   circling   the lake how can you save everything   how can I   answer you the light of summer stars I’m sorry  for my light   the endlessness of my endless & my   fuck-up the me that is   now   looking back & thinking   & this summer circling . . .