On Alcohol

my first drink was in my mother my next, my bris. doctor spread red wine across my lips. took my foreskin • every time i drink     i lose something • no one knows the origins of alcohol. tho surely an accident before sacrament. agricultural apocrypha. enough grain stored up for it to get weird in the cistern. rot gospel. god water • brandy was used to treat everything from colds to pneumonia frostbite to snake bites tb patients were placed on ethanol drips tonics & cough medicines spooned into the crying mouths of children • each friday in synagogue a prayer for red at dinner, the cemetery, the kitchen spirits • how many times have i woke strange in an unfamiliar bed? my head neolithic • my grandfather died with a bottle in one hand & flowers in the other. he called his drink his medicine he called his woman she locked the door • i can only half blame alcohol for my overdose the other half is my own hand that poured the codeine    that lifted the red plastic again & again & • i’m trying to understand pleasure     it comes back in flashes    every jean button thumbed open to reveal a different man     every slurred & furious permission • i was sober a year before [          ] died • every time i drink     i lose someone • if you look close at the process of fermentation you’ll see tiny animals destroying the living body until it’s transformed into something more volatile • the wino outside the liquor store mistakes me for his son