An Attempt at Genealogy

1 Where am I from? In black basilicas dragged incessantly down a cross is a man who here resembles a dress snatched from a hanger, there: thick clouds of muscles — an overcast body — embodied weather of one hardly-known country. (A country where I am from?) Dragging him, they stick their hands under his armpits. How cozy their hands are in such a warm place! Through a cut in his chest Eve watches with her one bloody eye. Of a cut in the chest — a red eyelash! But where am I from? 2 Yes, a man resembles a dress snatched from a hanger. Inside black alphabet dragged incessantly down each letter is a man. 3 To a telephone in a long hallway as if to a well for water. (Well, where am I from?) (Neither mama’s nor papa’s, my round face takes after a rotary phone.) A rotary phone is my gene pool. My body rings as it runs to put my head on the strong shoulder of the receiver. Blood is talking! Blood connection is weak. Inside the receiver I hear crackle as if fire were calling. Who is this? It’s me, fire receiver. But where am I from? 4 Days of merciless snow behind the kitchen window — snow got deposited like fat under our skin. How large we’ve grown on those days! So much time spent at the kitchen table trying to decide where to put commas in sentences about made-up lives, yet no one bothered to tell us that words, uttered once, crowd in the brain like in a hospital lobby. That time is supposed to heal only because once it was seen with a scalpel in its hands. You’ve made a mistake, you’d say mysteriously, pointing at lines written by a child. Think of another word with the same root. As if words can have roots. As if words didn’t come from darkness, cat-in-the-bag words, as if our human roots were already known to us. Here’s Grammar, here’s Orthography, here’s a paper rag “bread, milk, butter.” What roots? What morphology? What rules of subjugation? How is it even possible to make a mistake? Here’s Physics,Chemistry, Geometry with its atlas, now, where are Vaclav’s letters, 1946? What to do about the etymology of us? Our etymology? 1946 crowds my hospital lobby. The face of a rotary phone, the face of a clock, the face of a radio on the wall — these are my round-faced progenitors. But Vaclav’s face — where? (Again a man resembles a dress snatched from a hanger.) And where are the letters? One per week, in his best Sunday handwriting? Inside the receiver — fire. (How cozy are my ears in such a warm place!) But where am I from? 5 A postwar city, barracks — the joy of a first apartment — a coat, a jacket, a leather purse fat with pills, but where are the where-letters from the where-face? Evacuated face, de-evacuated face, sick not sick, stuck through face, vacuum face, lab rat face. This country was tested on Vaclav’s face. Now we can live in peace. So, where am I from? A postwar city, barracks — the joy of a deactivated face, vacated face. A face snatched from a hanger. Absence as an inner organ. 6 In a village known for a large puddle where all children fall between the two categories of those who hurt the living things and those who hurt the nonliving things, in a village known for being unknown (where am I from?), a graveyard around an old church, the frightening alphabet around the village, an alphabet on gravestones, marble letters under the moth-eaten snow. Under the moth-eaten snow my motherland has good bones. 7 My motherland rattles its bone-keys. A bone is a key to my motherland. 8 My motherland rattles its bone-keys. Eve watches with her one red eyelash. Under the moth-eaten snow my motherland has good bones. In my motherland people kneel before wells. In my motherland people pray to the crosses of flying birds. A bone is a key to my people. Among my people, only the dead have human faces. Still, where am I from? 9 Women saints in berets of golden threads, who are they by your feet, seated like pets? An angel with wings of a peacock, an angel with a human face. But who are they by your feet, seated like pets? Now, if you wear such golden berets, if you tame children and angels, if your white boneless fingers leaf through a book while I gnaw on this wooden verse, would you, holy women who wear golden berets, put the hairs on my tongue into a pigtail? 10 A mouse-tail of a word for a word-loving rodent! Inside my alphabet dragged incessantly down each frightening letter is a man. My frightening alphabet in his best Sunday handwriting. A letter addressed to lost letters, phone-face, clock-face, radio-face — face as an inner organ. Where are Vaclav’s letters as an inner organ. On the borderlines of my motherland — wet laundry claps in the wind like gunfire. Have you heard of my motherland? My motherland is a raw yolk inside a Fabergé egg. This yolk is what gives gold its color. This face is a fire-receiver. This face is an inner organ. A bone as a key to my people. Where am I from? 11 The golden bones of my motherland are ringing!