Document for U.S. Citizens Who Have Never Applied for a Visa and Have Had It Up to Here with Those Loud Aliens Who Go On and On about Some Letter

It is not like going to the bank. There are no hard candies in a basket made in China, and no Kleenexes on the counter. There is no refund if someone forgets to wish you a good day. There are no chairs for the aged, no toys for two-year-olds with earaches, no supervisor to speak to in case of the Absurd. There are no meal vouchers if it takes all day, no list of local hotels with a negotiated rate. No one wants to know if you are a doctor. Plastic is not magic. Seals are not signs. Your cousin-brother’s wedding is not relevant. Hell, there is no such thing as a cousin-brother. And it is always your fault: not enough planning, the wrong color passport, the misplaced stress in a word.