During the War

When my brother came home from war he carried his left arm in a black sling but assured us most of it was still there. Spring was late, the trees forgot to leaf out. I stood in a long line waiting for bread. The woman behind me said it was shameless, someone as strong as I still home, still intact while her Michael was burning to death. Yes, she could feel the fire, could smell his pain all the way from Tarawa– or was it Midway?–and he so young, younger than I, who was only fourteen, taller, more handsome in his white uniform turning slowly gray the way unprimed wood grays slowly in the grate when the flames sputter and die. “I think I’m going mad,” she said when I turned to face her. She placed both hands on my shoulders, kissed each eyelid, hugged me to her breasts and whispered wetly in my bad ear words I’d never heard before. When I got home my brother ate the bread carefully one slice at a time until nothing was left but a blank plate. “Did you see her,” he asked, “the woman in hell, Michael’s wife?” That afternoon I walked the crowded streets looking for something I couldn’t name, something familiar, a face or a voice or less, but not these shards of ash that fell from heaven.