Elevators I

An enormous list: coming and goings, nights and mornings, births and deaths and rebirths and second deaths and little lapses like grace notes where sadness surges in: sadness surges in, a passing-windshield light-effect on the ceiling. Would you prefer it some other way? I’m versatile. I’m hungry. I’m hot. I’m not really sad either. I’m happy, it’s just that this happiness isn’t the happiness I expected or sought and for a time I confused this happiness with the sadness I thought I was experiencing. I feel a lot better now. Oooh. That should give you an indication of the improvement. Oooh, there it goes again. And again, only I didn’t say ‘Oooh’ this time. I can’t explain it, but it feels terrific, like a totally fulfilled infatuation or a California Lifestyle apartment ad.