fire

more the idea of the flame than the flame, as in: the flame of the rose petal, the flame of the thorn the sun is a flame, the dog’s teeth flames ~ to be clear: with the body, captain, we can do as we wish, we can do as we wish with the body but we cannot leave marks—capt’n I’m trying to get this right ~ the world’s so small, the sky’s so high we pray for rain it rains, we pray for sun it suns we pray on our knees, we move our lips we pray in our minds, we clasp our hands our hands look tied before us ~ I remember, capt’n, something, it didn’t happen, not to me—this guy, I knew him by face, I don’t remember his name, one night he’s walking home from a party, a car it clipped him, for hours he wandered, dazed, his family, his neighbors, with flashlights they searched, all night, the woods, calling out his name ~ here’s the part, capt’n, where I try to tell a story as if it were a confession: once, in elementary school, I was hiding out on damon rock, lighting matches & letting them drop to the leaves below—little flare- ups, flash fires—a girl wandered down the path, she just stood there, watching the matches fall from my hand— ~ capt’n, I’m trying to be precise: hot day, a cage in the sun, a room without air, the mind-bending heat, the music a flame—hey metallica hey britanny hey airless hey fuse, I don’t know how it happened, I was perched far above, I offered her a match to pull down her pants—one match, her hairless body, hey little girl, I dropped it unlit. I didn’t know what it was I was looking at. ~ hey capt’n I don’t know if I’m allowed hey capt’n years ago I’m walking down a road one drunk night, even now I wonder—sometimes still I imagine—was I hit by a bus, am I stumbling am I dazed, this dream this confession, hey little girl is yr daddy home, hey capt’n hey sir am I making any sense? ~ the boy stood on the burning deck, stammering elocution, wait— the boy stood in the burning cage, stammering electrocution, no—the boy stood in the hot-hot room stammering I did stammering I did stammering I did stammering I did stammering everything you say I did I did. ~ hey metallica hey britanny hey airless hey fuse hey phonograph hey hades hey thoughtless hey ~ capt’n this room is on fire capt’n, this body will not stop burning capt’n oh my captain this burning has become a body capt’n oh my captain this child is ash capt’n oh my captain my hands pass right through her capt’n oh my captain I don’t know what it is I’m looking at ~ it’s important to be precise, to say what I know— the sun is fire, the center of the earth is fire, yr mother’s cunt is fire, an airless flame, still, still, I don’t know why she pushed me out, this cold-cold furnace, we all were pushed, a rim of light around our heads, she gave a kick, sent us crawling out, toward the flame, toward the pit, the flaming pit, yr lover’s cunt, the flame her tongue, the flame a thorn ~ everyday, capt’n, sir, captain, I was left, a child, after school, I was alone, I found a match, under the sink I found a can, a spray can,ly-sol dis-infectant, it made a torch, I was careful the flame didn’t enter the can, I knew it would explode, somehow I knew, I’m trying to be clear sir—the flame shot across the room, then it was gone