“I have never needed God”

I have never needed God as a personal savior in my practical life syllogisms about His existence were never music to my ears but always seemed vague missing a dimension although I didn’t know how to say this. Neither a philosophical God nor a biblical God suddenly appears among His creations amid revelations of wisdom in Jerusalem, His city. And certainly not in disclosures of pious inner principles and also not among poets, unfortunately. Astronomical bodies at night and mystical landscapes in Sharafat for example and Beit Jala bear His between-the-lines existence, His inklings. The expression of an ultra-Orthodox man’s eyes in Mea She’arim — this too — and even the purifying surrender of a sly and seasoned merchant, irreligious now in Geula, when you reproach him. Something like “Reprove a wise man and he will love you.” And you, when you cleanse yourself of anxious constraints about your environment after taking hash or grass. Springs of purity whose origins you’re unaware of bubble in coursing blood, in glands, in milk and some paradisiacal primeval revelation, and your almost subconscious innerness your being suddenly revealed — Is this clear enough to you, heredity? Genes? Or existential uniqueness, a maintained infancy that knocks you out with a sense of a refreshing genesis. Everything becomes clear in a great light. You shed revulsion and resistance, a great love germinates within you — this gloriousness this wonder comprised of absolutes of — objective truth, complete justice, decency honor internalized honesty and complex wisdom enhanced down to the last detail. Ho, complete, divine purity. Suddenly you polish a syllogism of your own for decisive proof of His existence: God is an idea — ideas don’t have material existence but they exist nonetheless so God exists definitively as the spirit of an idea, the biblical assertion “He has no body and no bodily form” is clear to me now as an exegesis that sits well with philosophy. Translated from the Hebrew