jesus knew

unlike you and I jesus knew he’d die some days a headache woke him it lingered nothing terrible but the word hung around his temples like this soul everyone wants but can’t find jesus knew he’d die he just didn’t know how & that bothered him sometimes & then he’d do one of his little bootleg tricks what the hell, didn’t hurt anyone didn’t make anyone disappear for- ever but the tricks stopped working he forgot why he did them & what for he confused a story about a guy named jesus with a story about a father he never knew & it all began to hang like a motheaten coat pulled out of a trunk on shaky days hey let’s return to the scene of the fucken tragedy at least we all know how it turns out instead of this end- less uncertainty hey let’s sell our souls a few more times no one’s really counting (those little papers you trade for your sins, what do you call them? anyone? no?) —anyway—jesus this jesus that god of nickel god of dime right, the real jesus he was lost he walked in- to the desert not far really his friends his disciples he told them he’d come back like us he said this every time he left but jesus never said wait never pointed to the sky never claimed he’d rise again never asked us to eat his flesh jesus never asked anything as far as I can tell he got tired everyday & then slept sometimes okay sometimes un- bearable, the dreams, the father pointing a finger at everyone a finger we can’t even look at.