Kong Looks Back on His Tryout With the Bears

If it had worked out, I'd be on a train to Green Bay, not crawling up this building with the Air Corps on my ass. And if it weren't for love, I'd drop this shrieking little bimbo sixty stories and let them take me back to the exhibit, let them teach me to mambo and do imitations. They tried me on the offensive line, told me to take out the right cornerback for Nagurski. Eager to please, I wadded up the whole secondary, then stomped the line, then the bench and locker room, then the east end of town, to the river. But they were not pleased: they said I had to learn my position, become a team player. The great father Bear himself said that, so I tried hard to know the right numbers and how the arrows slanted toward the little o's. But the o's and the wet grass and the grunts drowned out the count, and the tight little cheers drew my arrow straight into the stands, and the wives tasted like flowers and raw fish. So I was put on waivers right after camp, and here I am, panty-sniffer, about to die a clown, who once opened a hole you could drive Nebraska through.