For my unnamed brother (1943-1943)

i was left out i was chosen second & then left out i was left handed  i was left to fend for myself   i was the second in command  the second in line   i came without direction * i want the milk  i want my first pick  i want choice   & all its implications  there was a * residue of scar between us  it chafed when we rubbed our chests together * hello, brother, hello? hello in there, brother, can you hear me?  it's a long tunnel to the grave    speak you were my first god  i was rapt in your coming (mother better eat her vegetables, she better chew) choo choo what's bitter between us * i want the milk  i need it for my teeth  they're soft  the gums bleed  there's the evidence on my toothbrush  i got the second draft  i need calcium to make up  i got a job & left i don't know where you're buried * what do you need?  what will make you happy?  what do you want?  the dead do have mouths & appetites  suck it up   there's plenty in the ice box   more where that came from * if somebody asked me what's next  i wouldn't know  i took my hands off her like something hot  or fragile   or in pain  i was aghast  at suffering how you can feed & feed it & it's never full * there's a separation between us  a suppuration  there's just the space of an idea  i don't know what's missing  it's a blind spot  sometimes my left eye focuses & it's like looking at both of us through a window * i'm telling you the facts of life for you haven't been told you're in your late fifties  you're dis- eased or disinterested  a queer unable to come out of the casket  OK * you live this life  i'll live the next  she only has enough milk for one baby  i'll go around this time  you come the next  that time you'll have a better mother i promise you that