Wade Seego Believes Soylent Green Is People

Down here we say we dare defend our rights, our state motto. I’d back Charlton Heston for any office in the land. A Christian, he speaks right up. He’s got his head on straight, and people listen. Even on the screen of a honky-tonk TV he still looks like a hero, and he wouldn’t let freaks take over our country. If it takes firepower to keep us free, I say stock up. Keep your powder dry. Everything is dangerous these days. Life sucks. We suck too. Disaster is coming. Even God’s gone spleenish. Bless the common man against the government. They lie. They grind us up. Winchesters might be our last resort. Hellfire preachers say we best prepare for a dark event, but maybe Charlie Heston could keep death off our backs and tone down Jehovah’s wrath. Sweet Jesus—and this is the gospel truth— is pissed off at our newfangled unfaith. He’s coming back, and he’s armed to the teeth.