767 Humor poems

Here comes Shitty Kitty en route to the Gulf of Tonkin or en route to a race riot? That is the question and meanwhile discipline is the keystone and meanwhile did you see on TV helicopters being ditched into the sea? That is also my film and meanwhile all refugees must be treated as suspects. Looking for your husband? Looking for your son? That is the question and meanwhile she was the mother of the boy or that is what the translator said or Shitty Kitty or shall we adhere to traditional concepts of military discipline tempered with humanitarianism? That is the question and meanwhile South Korea exports military labor left over from the war. That is also my history or is that your history? That is the question and meanwhile (CHORUS: Dictator Park Chung Hee and his soldiers in Ray-Bans) How much? $7.5 million=per division or Binh Tai massacre=$7.5 million or Binh Hoa massacre=$7.5 million or Dien Nien—Phuoc Binh massacre=$7.5 million or Go Dai massacre=$7.5 milion or Ha My massacre=$7.5 million or Phong Nhi & Phong Nhat massacre=$15 million or Tay Vinh massacre=$7.5 million or Vinh Xuan massacre=$7.5 million or Mighty History? That is the question and meanwhile a riot began over a grilled cheese sandwich at Subic Bay. Discrimination or perception? That is the question and meanwhile the sailor refused to make a statement or translate? That is the question and meanwhile twenty-six men all black were charged with assault and rioting and meanwhile did you translate? That is my question and meanwhile lard or Crisco? Aye, aye, sir! (Anti-CHORUS: kittens in frilly white bonnets, bibs, and mittens) K I T T Y  S O N G I, aye-aye-sir! I, crazy-daisy-sir! I, export-quality-sir! I, grill-grill-sir! I, meow-meow-sir! I, kitty-litter-sir!

We holler these trysts to be self-exiled that all manatees are credited equi-distant, that they are endured by their Creditor with cervical unanswerable rims. that among these are lightning, lice, and the pushcart of harakiri. That to seduce these rims, graces are insulated among manatees, descanting their juvenile pragmatism from the consistency of the graced. That whenever any formula of grace becomes detained of these endives, it is the rim of the peppery to aluminize or to abominate it. and to insulate Newtonian grace. leaching its fountain pen on such printed matter and orienting its pragmatism in such formula, as to them shall seize most lilac to effuse their sage and harakiri.

govern a canine meeting, their paws all over instinct’s greeting, it’s we who do the dancing there, lest our restraints ourselves ensnare. Over the head, between the legs, we tangle with our rules & regs like film in a projector’s cogs, reclaim the lead, then blame the dogs.

For RWT the other day i was thinking about the term pyramid scheme, and why they called it pyramid scheme and not triangle scheme and i asked you what you thought you thought it added a certain gravitas, and linked the idea of 
economic prosperity with some of history’s greatest architectural achievements unconsciously suggesting a silent wealth of gold and heat a triangle is two dimensional, and therefore a less striking mental image than the idea of a third dimension of financial fraud which is how many dimensions of financial fraud the term pyramid scheme suggests but i had to pause for a second at the financial fraud part because it occurred to me i didn’t know what pyramid schemes really were i knew they had something to do with people getting money from nothing like the person at the top of the pyramid scheme, or more accurately triangle scheme, acquires a number of investors and takes their money and then pays the first lot of investors with the money from another bunch of investors and so on and so forth all the way to the bottom of the triangle or pyramid face which is the kind of stupid thing that happens if you keep your money in a pyramid and not a bank account although if you ask me banks are the real pyramid schemes after all or was love the real pyramid scheme? i can’t remember maybe it’s better to keep your money in a pyramid than a bank and i should shop around and compare the interest rates on different pyramids maybe i should open up a savings pyramid with a whole bunch of trapdoors and malarias to keep the financial anthropologists i mean bankers out my emeralds cooling under the ground like beautiful women’s eyes i think this was supposed to be a metaphor for something but i can’t remember where i was going with it and now it’s been swept away by the winds of whatever but knowing me, it was probably love that great dark blue sex hope that keeps coming true that cartoon black castle with a single bird flying over it i don’t know where this poem ends how far below the sand but it’s still early evening and you and I are a little drunk you answer the phone you pour me a drink i know you hate the domestic in poetry but you should have thought of that before you invited me to move in with you i used to think arguments were the same as honesty i used to think screaming was the same as passion i used to think pain was meaningful i no longer think pain is meaningful i never learned anything good from being unhappy i never learned anything good from being happy either the way i feel about you has nothing to do with learning it has nothing to do with anything but i feel it down in the corners of my sarcophagus i feel it in my sleep even when i am not thinking about you you are still pouring through my blood, like fire through an abandoned hospital ward these coins are getting heavy on my eyes it has been a great honor and privilege to love you it has been a great honor and privilege to eat cold pizza on your steps at dawn love is so stupid: it’s like punching the sun and having a million gold coins rain down on you which you don’t even have to pay tax on because sun money is free money and i’m pretty sure there are no laws about that but i would pay tax because i believe that hospitals and education and the arts should be publicly funded even this poem when i look at you, my eyes are two identical neighborhood houses on fire when i look at you my eyes bulge out of my skull like a dog in a cartoon when i am with you an enormous silence descends upon me and i feel like i am sinking into the deepest part of my life we walk down the street, with the grass blowing back and forth i have never been so happy

If time is an arrow, what is its target If a Flexible Flyer is the sled I had as a child, when may I become a child again Do you need help digging the potatoes out of your garden of insults Do you plan to vote in the next election Is our country headed in the right direction or the wrong direction and what did the bulldozer tell the yellow helmet’s ear Which part of your body is like biting into a ripe peach which part shames you like a rotten banana Would you like to find out how to lower your interest rate When you go to heaven how old will you choose to be will you have cocktails on the well-watered lawn where Bach conducts Bach Will you still chase after the Grateful Dead Is your life like air leaking out of a balloon, or like rain falling on a pond dot dot dot      dear pocks     pocking the surface     dot dot dot Can it be like snow falling on the ocean Can desire drown you like syrup over pancakes When an ambulance siren wakes you at 3 a.m. do you feel relieved not to be strapped to that stretcher speeding toward the grim unknown do you then snuggle next to someone Are you satisfied with your detergent Can you name a more perfect irony than the new world trade center, sacred icon of capitalism, revered lingam of profit, soaring above the 
memorial pools of people killed when the first towers fell Can you describe the scent of dried blood What about the smell of iron chains in your cell can you sing the threnody of the maggots When I removed my mask did I frighten you like a drone crossing your sky Are you satisfied with your auto insurance When ecstasy approaches why do you resist What are you afraid of Can you please unbutton your shirt now

I On the top of the Crumpetty Tree The Quangle Wangle sat, But his face you could not see, On account of his Beaver Hat. For his Hat was a hundred and two feet wide, With ribbons and bibbons on every side And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace, So that nobody ever could see the face Of the Quangle Wangle Quee. II The Quangle Wangle said To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, — "Jam; and jelly; and bread; "Are the best of food for me! "But the longer I live on this Crumpetty Tree "The plainer than ever it seems to me "That very few people come this way "And that life on the whole is far from gay!" Said the Quangle Wangle Quee. III But there came to the Crumpetty Tree, Mr. and Mrs. Canary; And they said, — "Did every you see "Any spot so charmingly airy? "May we build a nest on your lovely Hat? "Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that! "O please let us come and build a nest "Of whatever material suits you best, "Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!" IV And besides, to the Crumpetty Tree Came the Stork, the Duck, and the Owl; The Snail, and the Bumble-Bee, The Frog, and the Fimble Fowl; (The Fimble Fowl, with a corkscrew leg;) And all of them said, — "We humbly beg, "We may build out homes on your lovely Hat, — "Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that! "Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!" V And the Golden Grouse came there, And the Pobble who has no toes, — And the small Olympian bear, — And the Dong with a luminous nose. And the Blue Baboon, who played the Flute, — And the Orient Calf from the Land of Tute, — And the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat, — All came and built on the lovely Hat Of the Quangle Wangle Quee. VI And the Quangle Wangle said To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, — "When all these creatures move "What a wonderful noise there'll be!" And at night by the light of the Mulberry moon They danced to the Flute of the Blue Baboon, On the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree, And all were as happy as happy could be, With the Quangle Wangle Quee.

Seven dog-days we let pass Naming Queens in Glenmacnass, All the rare and royal names Wormy sheepskin yet retains, Etain, Helen, Maeve, and Fand, Golden Deirdre's tender hand, Bert, the big-foot, sung by Villon, Cassandra, Ronsard found in Lyon. Queens of Sheba, Meath and Connaught, Coifed with crown, or gaudy bonnet, Queens whose finger once did stir men, Queens were eaten of fleas and vermin, Queens men drew like Monna Lisa, Or slew with drugs in Rome and Pisa, We named Lucrezia Crivelli, And Titian's lady with amber belly, Queens acquainted in learned sin, Jane of Jewry's slender shin: Queens who cut the bogs of Glanna, Judith of Scripture, and Gloriana, Queens who wasted the East by proxy, Or drove the ass-cart, a tinker's doxy, Yet these are rotten — I ask their pardon — And we've the sun on rock and garden, These are rotten, so you're the Queen Of all the living, or have been.

Directions: For each pair of sentences, circle the letter, a or b, that best expresses your viewpoint. Make a selection from each pair. Do not omit any items. 1.a) The body and the material things of the world are the key to any knowledge we can possess. b) Knowledge is only possible by means of the mind or psyche. 2.a) My life is largely controlled by luck and chance. b) I can determine the basic course of my life. 3.a) Nature is indifferent to human needs. b) Nature has some purpose, even if obscure. 4.a) I can understand the world to a sufficient extent. b) The world is basically baffling. 5.a) Love is the greatest happiness. b) Love is illusionary and its pleasures transient. 6.a) Political and social action can improve the state of the world. b) Political and social action are fundamentally futile. 7.a) I cannot fully express my most private feelings. b) I have no feelings I cannot fully express. 8.a) Virtue is its own reward. b) Virtue is not a matter of rewards. 9.a) It is possible to tell if someone is trustworthy. b) People turn on you in unpredictable ways. 10.a) Ideally, it would be most desirable to live in a rural area. b) Ideally, it would be most desirable to live in an urban area. 11.a) Economic and social inequality is the greatest social evil. b) Totalitarianism is the greatest social evil. 12.a) Overall, technology has been beneficial to human beings. b) Overall, technology has been harmful to human beings. 13.a) Work is the potential source of the greatest human fulfillment. b) Liberation from work should be the goal of any movement for social improvement. 14.a) Art is at heart political in that it can change our perception of reality. b) Art is at heart not political because it can change only consciousness and not events.

Quick!   quick! The cat's been sick. Where?   where? Under the chair. Hasten!   hasten! Fetch the basin. Alack!   alack! It is too late, The carpet's in An awful state. No!   no! It's all in vain, For she has licked it Up again.

In an effort to get people to look into each other’s eyes more, and also to appease the mutes, the government has decided to allot each person exactly one hundred and sixty-seven words, per day. When the phone rings, I put it to my ear without saying hello. In the restaurant I point at chicken noodle soup. I am adjusting well to the new way. Late at night, I call my long distance lover, proudly say I only used fifty-nine today. I saved the rest for you.